Responses to Seeing a Foreigner on a Bicycle--A Field Study
I have decided to classify the responses I receive from Vietnamese when they spot me cycling past. There are any number of possible reactions, but this classification scheme covers most of them.
1. The Tears for Fears response (Shout, Shout, Let it all Out!)
The amount of shouting I receive from the roadside is amazing. In fact, it's such a broad spectrum that I feel I should further subdivide into
a) The Neil Young response (Hey, Hey (My My)) Lots and lots of shouts of "Hey!"
b) The Beatles response (Hello Goodbye) Rather more of the former than the latter.
c) The Bee Gee response: lots of falsetto shouting about three octaves higher than is natural
d) The Pink Floyd response (Money): "Hello money? Hello one dollar?" Prevalent in tourist areas.
e) The Inspector Clouseau response. "Bonjour! Ooh la la!" in a Peter Sellers accent.
f) The "Who Let the Dogs Out?" response. Yelping hello or something similar so abruptly and repetitively that it really does sound like a dogfight. Most common among small children.
2. The Hyena response. Hysterical, uncontrollable laughter. Very common indeed.
3. The Pied Piper response. Entire villages of kids follow me out of town running or on bicycles. They don't last long, especially if there's an uphill involved.
4. The Gorilla response. No chest thumping, but lots of loud grunting. Meaning unclear.
5. The Hand Twitch. Lots of offers or orders to stop and have tea. If I accepted all of them, I'd still be on the outskirts of Hanoi.
6. The MoM (Morons on Motorcycles) response. Thankfully rare. Involves someone, usually tremendously drunk, driving beside, behind or in front of me and trying to keep me company while weaving back and forth and smothering me in exhaust fumes. The longest single MoM event lasted almost an hour on a long climb up to Mau Son; it was combined with the Hyena response that lasted the entire hour.
7. The Smartass Response. Usually followed by the Hyena. Most common among teenage boys.
8. The Fear Factor. Small children and women often run for the hills as soon as I heave into sight.
9. Hysteria. I have so far driven 6 children and one man into absolute hysterical fits.
10. The Hurry-Up-Let's-Go response. Particularly irritating on steep hills, as people on motorcycles tell me to get going faster. I fantasize about sticking something in their spokes.
1. The Tears for Fears response (Shout, Shout, Let it all Out!)
The amount of shouting I receive from the roadside is amazing. In fact, it's such a broad spectrum that I feel I should further subdivide into
a) The Neil Young response (Hey, Hey (My My)) Lots and lots of shouts of "Hey!"
b) The Beatles response (Hello Goodbye) Rather more of the former than the latter.
c) The Bee Gee response: lots of falsetto shouting about three octaves higher than is natural
d) The Pink Floyd response (Money): "Hello money? Hello one dollar?" Prevalent in tourist areas.
e) The Inspector Clouseau response. "Bonjour! Ooh la la!" in a Peter Sellers accent.
f) The "Who Let the Dogs Out?" response. Yelping hello or something similar so abruptly and repetitively that it really does sound like a dogfight. Most common among small children.
2. The Hyena response. Hysterical, uncontrollable laughter. Very common indeed.
3. The Pied Piper response. Entire villages of kids follow me out of town running or on bicycles. They don't last long, especially if there's an uphill involved.
4. The Gorilla response. No chest thumping, but lots of loud grunting. Meaning unclear.
5. The Hand Twitch. Lots of offers or orders to stop and have tea. If I accepted all of them, I'd still be on the outskirts of Hanoi.
6. The MoM (Morons on Motorcycles) response. Thankfully rare. Involves someone, usually tremendously drunk, driving beside, behind or in front of me and trying to keep me company while weaving back and forth and smothering me in exhaust fumes. The longest single MoM event lasted almost an hour on a long climb up to Mau Son; it was combined with the Hyena response that lasted the entire hour.
7. The Smartass Response. Usually followed by the Hyena. Most common among teenage boys.
8. The Fear Factor. Small children and women often run for the hills as soon as I heave into sight.
9. Hysteria. I have so far driven 6 children and one man into absolute hysterical fits.
10. The Hurry-Up-Let's-Go response. Particularly irritating on steep hills, as people on motorcycles tell me to get going faster. I fantasize about sticking something in their spokes.
posted by xuanzang @ 1:10 PM
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